I have read so much bad press for Kabuki warriors and heard so many of my friends tell me how much this game sucks. I even had the salesperson at the Electronics Boutique where I tried to buy this game innitially deny me the ability to purchase this game. First by telling me how much it sucked, then by outright denying me the service of letting me buy it at $14.00. I was wowed by the dilligence that this employee defended his viewpoint even when his manager chastised him strongly. It was almost a situation where I had to see how bad a game had to be to get such bad press. I was so sure that there was no way that this game could be that bad. There had to be some redeaming value. I have played so many 'bad' games in my time that, in my experience, had they been released earlier on a previous system, the reviewers would have been singing praises all day long for them. I had to see why Kabuki Warriors was so bad.
After getting that employee in loads of trouble (I dont see him there anymore) I got home with, what I had been convinced was the worst game ever made and I was really giddy to see it. In the xbox it went and I was treated to one of the most strange cgi intros I had ever seen in my life. I dont get how butt-rock goes with traditional japanese themes. I have seen that before in dynasty warriors and bloody roar (not traditional japanese, but it is japanese and the butt-rock is there). Either way, after the intro was through, I got into the main 'arcade' version of the game and had to choose an 'actor' to play as. This is kinda confusing as the little picture you are given as a preview of each character is really misleading as they usually dont look anything like the one you actually choose. I guess that is a design issue, so no points there. Being the guy that I am, I usually try to pick the girl in most fighting games. Those of you that have played this know where I am going. Traditional kabuki, in the past, had absolutely no female actresses... that is not to say that there were no female parts, but just no women on stage. So, the 'chick' that I picked was a guy in drag. I wont go any further with that. The other problem that was in this game as another design issue, was that even though there is some pre match speach, the mouths to not move and the faces do not alter expression. This, again, can be attributed to japanese kabuki tradition as kabuki actors did wear masks. Of course, for the sake of a fighting game, the lack of character facial reaction and total lack of sex appeal to john q. public... this game is already losing out badly. The next thing that would bug those who would be bugged is the attack button. Did I just say 'button'? Yep. one attack button. One. Just one. There is a different attack for every direction you may press while hitting that one attack button, but after you realize that this only means you can perform 9 attacks... you feel a little left out. There are more buttons used for actual blocking and dodging of blows than attack buttons, but that is the way it is, huh? The next facet is popularity. Kabuki actors usually perform better if the audience preffers them and the audience prefers it when you beat the crap out of your opponent. No dissagreement there. You can also dance. Yep, dance. You can hold the white button or tap it for a shorter dance, but the more you do it, the more money is thrown at you, then if your popularity bar is full, you are winning and you can perform a super attack. Whoopity-doo. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it just stinks like fresh dog doo doo. Ok, so you get it, you can block, perform some attacks, slide, throw (a little), jump, get down and perform super attacks. This just seems limited for your kabuki drag queen. Here is the main question, since this is a game.
Is it fun?
Kinda like being asked if you thought bugs bunny was hot when he dressed up like a girl, the answer is: I dont know.
You want the answer to be no, but then, what is you answer honestly?
The reason why I dont know if this dancing, traditional japanese kabuki fest is fun with it's one button of joy is because I played it against a friend. Since there was really no training needed to get really decent at the game, it did turn into a button mash fest and it was just left up to who was more nimble on the joypad. We were beating the crap out of each other for hours and just seemed to be having fun. So, when I say that this game really stunk, I say that because it just doesnt fly as compared to other fighting games of the same theme. It does away with most of the things that make a fighter good: sex appeal of certain characters, good facial expressions and lip synching, technical gameplay with combo memorization, many throws and a plethora of super moves.
What kabuki warriors does have is the ability make you question yourself when you realize you have been playing as a guy in drag for the past hour with your friends and you have been beating them all silly.
If you can part with the whopping $2 that this game will drop you back, and possibly with the strangeness of all the changes that this title will face you with, then go for it.
If you work for EB and got fired cause some doofus really needed to buy a really bad game.. you deserved it, you werent doing your job.
If you really need a great fighting engine, lots of super moves and sexy kung fu babe, well, DOA3 is pretty cheap and Tao Feng is really worth the money.
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